who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
