i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
