i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
