The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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