I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
either way he was missing a nipple.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
