I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
