On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
