i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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