porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
