I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I skipped work to stalk him.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
