hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
