Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
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so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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