I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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