Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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