Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
