Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
