and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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