I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
