is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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