yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
