I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
