you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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