Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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