Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
