We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
