He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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