i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
