I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
