I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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