she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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