I'm pants shitting drunk right now
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
