MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
