cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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