His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
