He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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