Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
