I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
