And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
