So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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