i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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