I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
