he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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