considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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