I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
