Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How external is "for external use only"?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
