What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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