Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
