So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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