The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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