He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
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BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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