dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
