i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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