I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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