do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
