Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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