Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
