Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
