Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
