oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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