I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
