the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
