so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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