I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
