remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
